Woman has so become a lazy masturbator…

You know those days where you are horny, and you really really really want to play with your body, but you cannot seem to find the energy to get yourself off?

Where you get notice of a new erotic story that you want to read? But it’s on your computer which means you are going to have to scroll through the pages so you need one hand to scroll the other to flick your bean?

Ever hate the fact that you were born with one pair of hands? And that you’ve got to make a choice and either use one hand to keep your lips parted or to toy with your breasts?

Do you wish that you had your partner there in bed with you idly toying with your pussy and tweaking your nipple? Not getting you off… just teasing?

Have you ever laid there on your side while you read a romance novel (ok in my case something science fictionishy), wishing that blasted bullet vibe would stay in place?

Boy of boy… have I hit the proverbial pot of gold with this one.

A Man’s Point of View… an erotic story

There are very few male erotic authors I actually enjoy reading when they write and erotic story from a woman’s point of view. Simply because I don’t really get a feel for the woman as she is usually only one dimensional, the story too… well too hesitatingly romantic. Don’t get me wrong, I do like a good romance/sex story, but I mean there are so many other ways to have sex than just by candle light or by a fireplace. 

So when I try to explain that to men who write from a woman’s point of view; that I just didn’t feel the story, I got challenged. And of course I had to try. 

So here is the end result, tell me you fabulous readers… did I capture the “maleness” I was going for?  Or did I land flat on my face? 

So here you have my experiment in sexual perceptions???

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I walk up the stairs to your apartment. I know it’s your door, as it’s the only white door on the floor. Using my key, trying to keep quiet so not to wake you.

I peek into your room and see you curled up around your pillow, your hair everywhere: over you shoulder, your breasts, strands of it cover your face. And your sheets pulled up to your hips. My jaw drops seeing your nipples more erect than I’ve ever seen them, the tightness of your tank top makes the curve of your breast oh so fully on display; leaving nothing to my imagination. 

The Toy Box According to Woman… g) Sapphire Falls

g)       Sapphire Falls  $28.99 avaible from EdenFantasys

Made from pyrex glass and his bulges make for a VERY fun time!!! At 6½ inches and about five of those inches for insertion… his 13 oz in use is yummy!

Pro’s: lots of bulges makes for a very fun time! Shorter length makes him great for partner play no real harm in getting carried away and hitting one’s cervix with this glass toy. The big ball is my favourite for g-spot stimulation, and the smaller end is great for anal play or perineum massages. Not to mention the big ball is amazing once you’ve applied some massage oil or lotion on your flesh and use it as a massage apparatus. The best part of this toy in my opinion, is the large bubble in my vagina and the sounds it makes with each thrust it’s hardness against my soft and wet pussy.

Con’s: ummm….. ahhh…. None? Ok ok ok! It is technically classified as an anal probe, but because of him being made from glass, when he is covered in lube he is ridiculously slippery. That means there is a higher chance of loosing him inside you if you are not very careful. I tried him a few times anally, and almost has one incident loosing him. He has since become strictly a vaginal toy. 

The Toy Box According to Woman…. f) Moonshine Butt Plug

f) Moonshine Butt Plug $24.99 available from EdenFantasys

Made out of Pyrex Glass and a total length of 3¾ and an insertable length of 3 inches. At his thickest point he has a diameter of 1 5/8 and a weight of 7oz.

Pro’s: made from glass, flared base, weighty, but not too weighty, good flare on the spade portion for decent amount of stretching! He’s an ok toy for partner sex, as the thrusting movements help to move him to provide good stimulation around the anus. Can be worn for long term wear, or during sleep. He is enjoyable to wear while sitting down but not for prolonged periods of time.

Con’s: Not good for long term wear as it does have a habit of slipping (not slipping out mind you, but just the neck sliding around). The neck is a decent size for comfort, but long term wear does cause chafing with the flared base. Not a fan of the funky colours, I’d love to see this toy in just clear glass. During sitting up solo play, he has been known to slip out completely. He is made out of glass, so there is no give at all around the anus.

Woman has double freaking points???

Well hello my darlings!!!

It’s been a a fun couple of days!!!

In between socialising, conducting chemistry experiments in various people’s kitchens, testing out various new toys…. I’ve let a lot of things be pushed to the side!!!

But… I think I might be back to almost normal now!!!! And that measn hopefully soon I’ll be able to have some quality WomanTime to test out and compare all my new toys!!!

Friends have left town to return to their homes as work for everyone soon returns to normal.

And to top it all off??? DOUBLE FREAKING POINTS BABY!!!!

As you all know one of my little quirks is my addiction to sex toys.

That’s right.

Hello! My name is Woman and I am a sex toy addict.

The Toy Box According to Woman… e) Rose G-Spotter

e)      Rose G-spotter $38.00 available fr0m Babeland

Made from pyrex glass with a length of 6¾ and the insertable length various depending on which end you use, but 1 1/4″ at his widest.

Pro’s: Its got texture. The three bumps on the straight end, are AMAZING anally. For some, the curved end is great to explore their g-spots with. Glass= temperature play. So you can heat him up or cool him down when you go to use him.

Con’s: It is too thin for fun vaginal use for me. I prefer something a little thicker for g-spot fun. And the three bubbles end, it’s ok but lacks the ability to get me off. The three bump end are a heck of a lot of fun anally, but be VERY careful and hold on tightly. The flared portion may not be enough to stop this toy from going further than you like up your bum. Too expensive for what you get. I would suggest shopping around if you are interested in this toy, it is much cheaper elsewhere.

The Toy Box According to Woman… d) The Swirled Blue Dildo

d)       The Swirled Blue Dildo by Don Wands; $24.99 available at EdenFantasys 

Made from pyrex glass, total length of 7½  and an insertable length of 7inches. Diameter of the shaft is 1½  and a total weight of 1lbs.

Pro’s: EVERYTHING from the slight g-spot curve, to his bulbous head, to his flared base, to the way all you need is just a little lube as it goes a long way. LOTS of texture. Favourite thing about him, is to have him inserted laying on my side and squeeze and rock my hips. His head massages everywhere!!!! Because of his flared base, he is a great anal toy, and that flared base is something to hold onto while thrusting. If you enjoy double penetration, that head is a great massage tool for his cock no matter if you choose vaginal or anal penetration. And glass? Means temperature play!!!

Con’s: VERY slippery when wet.

The Toy Box According to Woman…c) Rocket Balm

c)  Rocket Balm $6-12  available from Babeland

Made from a beeswax base, almond, coconut oils, peppermint, and some other yummy goodness.

Pro’s: it is a unisex item for men and women, it does make my clit very sensitive, and is nice to be used on all parts of the body; nipples, breasts, clit, back, lips on a woman. And on a man, kiss his nipples with this on your lips, massage it into his shaft, tickle his anus and watch him sigh, the head of his cock etc…. even a foot massage. A man I was with loved it when I gave him a hand job using this as a lube.  Honestly, the only limits to this are your limits!

Con’s: not safe for vaginal penetration you run the risk of irritation or infections as it will change the ph balance of your vagina. It is oil based it is not safe for most toys made from silicone and most jellies. I find that it does leave a oil residue that takes a few washes to get off my sheets. And some men/women have found it to be a little bit overly stimulating when applied to their sensitive bits!  Another con I discovered about the Rocket Balm is “double dipping”. The oils and the other goodies get absorbed into the skin making the need to apply more. You have to be so very careful not to get bodily fluids into the balm in the tin.

A fun-do dunking Woman!!!!

So get this.

The reason I’ve been having such issues with my maids? Is because of this reason they gave today, “We just don’t want to do things. Can she give us an advance on our salary?”

Yup.

Talk about your numpties.

I just said, “sometimes I really don’t fancy talking to stupid people… but it is part of the job.”

I guess I really shouldn’t have said that. I really must learn to bite my tongue when I am not happy!!!! Honestly and really really.

I mean seriously!!! A maid who refuses to clean the bathroom mirror? Or just dusts around things rather than actually moving them?

My kindergartens cleaned the classroom better than they do!!! And they were six!!!

Anyways…

Yesterday I somehow got the notion into my head that I wanted to make fondue.

HELP!!!! Woman’s surrounded!!!!

Quite literally.

I am indeed surrounded by toys!!!

I think I might have died and gone to heaven.

Who the heck am I kidding??? In my heaven? They’re be a warehouse filled with sex toys and oils and men and books and coffee and I could eat all the chocolate I wanted too and not worry about anything!!!! It’d be a spa where each room would be something different; a reading room where my feet would be massaged while I sit there and read.

Hold the phone… that is what we did the other day. I literally sat in an oversized chair while my feet were massaged for ninety minutes while I read one of my teaching texts for next term.

Gosh I love living in China!!!!

The Toy Box According to Woman… b) Crystal Jellies Royal

b) Crystal Jellies Royal $24.99 available from EdenFantasys

Made from PVC, total length of 9 inches with an insertable length of 7½ inches. The diameter is 1 7/8 and a weight of 1.5lbs.

Pro’s: his girth is amazing for those that like a feeling of fullness. With his suction cup base he can stick to any shiny surface. He spent the night horizontally in my bathroom and was still there when I woke in the  morning. He’s got a fair bit of give because of his squishy nature. 

The Toy Box According to Woman… a) The Hoss

a)        The Hoss $139.99 available from EdenFantasys

Made from 100% silicone, total length is 12¼ inches with and insertable length of 10½ (I wonder if anyone could possibly take all of him? Should they get a medal if they could?). His diameter is 2¾ inches and a weight of 2.5lbs.

Pro’s: he’s friggen HUGE!!!!! waterproof, and body safe

Let me introduce… The Amazon Woman

Sometimes my life just sucks large sweaty camel gonads.

So my last post I talked about a new toy and a corset that came in the mail.

The Big Boss by Fun Factory holy-friggen-hell-multi-orgasmic-earth-shattering-WOW-WEE!!!!! I hate the colour- that vibrant orange (I hate orange!!!!!) just makes me cringe. But it also came in black. And well… black is so boring!!! So I went with the funkier colour and went for the neon orange.

Yes, yes I know. I`m not going to be looking at it!!!

His rumbles are fantastic!!! But then again Fun Factory is uber quality. And I cannot wait till I use him a zillion more times to write a good review for you all!!!!

The Toy Box According to Woman… Part II

Well… as promised… it’s taken forever and a day, but I am getting around to doing all the posts I’ve wanted to do!!! This one has taken forever and a day to write, but I’ve slowly been writing it. And now I’ve a bunch ready for posting, it is something I’ll be doing regularly till it is done!

So here you have it!!! It will be arranged in alphabetical order, and once I’ve got all the posts up, each toy will (should!!!!) have two links. One for the brief intro, and another link for a more “Womanish” posting.

Woman sings… “I’m all by myself…!!!”

I’ve just said goodbye to some friends from out of town, it’s been great seeing them, but it’s even greater to have my house back.

I love having guests and visitors… but I love my space!!!

It’s so nice to lay here on my couch wearing practically nothing, watching what I want to watch, my breasts the only skin visible from my blankets and warm clothes.

This will be short and sweet, just a catch up post really.

China Post finally decided to come off of holidays and delivered a few things to me. So now I am the proud new owner of The Big Boss who is deliciously appealing with an amazing width of 1 3/4 inches… and since he is made at Fun Factory I know his rumbles are going to be rumbley. I’ve yet to use him because of company but soon…. soon…. SOON!!!

China Post also came through delivering my new corset and a new nightie. The buttery feel of the silk, and the weight of this corset just holding it in my hands… I cannot wait to put it on.

And trust me. Tomorrow morning? I shall be putting this thing on, contorting in weird poses trying to get the laces just right and see how it looks.

I am actually excited to see the colour against my skin!!!!!!

But I cannot decide. The Big Boss? Or the corset? Which am I more excited for? Screw it. I’ll wear the corset then use the toy while wearing it!!!

I guess praying to the Postal Gods are smiling upon me!!! Because there are other things in the mail too that I am tracking!!!! And they are in China!!!

Life has been hectic here in the desert.