Masturbation Blues take five…the toy that broke Woman’s vagina

There once was a woman who lived in the Middle Kingdom. And what made her so special you might ask?

Was that she was a sex toy addict. 

Nothing special you might think, there are many sex toy addicts out there in the Blogosphere. 

But what set her apart from them all, was her uncanny way of telling of her sexual misfortunes and mishaps. She’d write them down for all to read in the vain hopes of evoking some sort of sympathy… but all she seemed to receive were tears of laughter.

And this dear readers, is just another one of those many tales of a clumsy lass who lives in the Middle Kingdom….  

And just why did I have to talk about myself in the third person? I have no idea. Let’s get on with the show shall we?? I don’t recall saying this very often or at all. But good Jupiter’s cock… (yes. I have been watching Spartacus can you tell???) this one is just embarrassing. 

Look at that picture.

Go on. Look.

Let your jaw drop to the floor, let the drool fall freely.

Cross your legs and cover your eyes.

Wince in pain, wince in awe.

Hell.

Wince in arousal if that’s a possibility.

Say ouch. Say ohhhh. Say I want. Say holy beejeebers! Say what you want.

I know.

You. Are. Curious.

Ladies, you are curious if you could possibly take it.

Gentlemen, you wonder if your lady friend could take it… or the more adventurous of you… if your heiny can take it.

Well let me just tell you.

STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!

I know I have.

So let me start this story at the beginning, and I’ll take you through what possessed me to want this giant monster dildo, how I came to use it for the first time, and then??? How it broke my vagina.

This one my darlings, is not for the faint of heart. This Masturbation Blues is a disturbing tale of greed. Lust. Demand. Urgency. And all about my desire for more orgasms to rule my better judgement.

*shakes fist* damn you orgasm!!!!!!

So let me get dressed, because even remembering this tale, zaps my arousal from me and there is no point in being naked if I am not going to take advantage of it!!!!

Now… just remember what I’ve told you. One of my many nicknames is “The Amazon Woman”. I’m almost a giant. Over six foot tall. My hand stretched out is the size of a dinner plate. And as you can see above, even trying… I cannot get my fingers to touch wrapping them around this monster. And if I wrap my fingers around my wrist? My middle finger and thumb touch.

Last year sometime, I was playing with a man, and he was erm… very thick. Not the thick in the head mind you. But the thick in the loins kind of way. Whom am I kidding? He had a VERY thick cock. He wasn’t very long (thank god!!!), but thick. And yes, I am still drooling over that man’s cock-memory.

What can I say!!! I prefer average length and a little thicker than average!!! Ladies? Would you agree with this?

My thumb and middle finger just barely overlapped. My vagina, I consider to be pretty flexible and able to take various sized cocks, toys and fingers. But his cock… I needed lots and lots of time, and lots and lots of lube to take him.

Needless to say, my nipples and breasts really enjoyed this man!!!!

But when he entered me… WOW. My eye’s went ridiculously wide and as much as I tried not to squirm from the “fun pain” of being stretched… I had more g-spot orgasms than I knew what to do with while I played with him.

And I don’t orgasm easily when I am with a man!!!!

Even though I knew he was leaving the city never to return, hell. I’m a member of a sex toy site!!! I had to order me an imitation cock!!!

So off I went in search of a dildo on my favourite sex toy site EdenFantasys, and I narrowed the search criteria to everything thick.

Length: 12 1/4" Insertable length: 10 1/2" Circumference: 8 1/2" Diameter:2 3/4" Weight:2.5 lb

That is when I saw The Hoss.

My jaw fell to my chest. My pussy trembled. And my first instinct was to say no. That thing is a monster!!!

But of course, my pussy won out reminding me of all the orgasms I had with Thick Dick Man. And I wanted them again!!!

I’ll never deny the fact that I am a greedy Woman when it comes to my orgasms. And I’ll not deny that The Hoss was just so much bigger than the Thick Dick Man.

Just his picture there amongst all the smaller dildo’s on my screen had my mouth watering, my pussy drenched just wanting him NOW!!!!

But his price (139USD!!!!) made me stop and just gaze wanting him.

Almost daily I went back to the site and let my eyes stare at him. That thick vien running along his length. The ridging of his head. Curious to know if I could take his thickness. Wondering how much of him I could take.

For not once did the notion occur to me that I’d not be able to take him.

I knew I’d never take more than a couple of inches of him if I ever got him in me. My hope was only to take three maybe four inches of his length… I knew that my pussy would cooperate and be able to take his width only if I had enough orgasms before attempting him. After all, I could take a hand if I was so inclined!!

But I was never prepared for what actually happened when I went to play with him.

I am getting ahead of myself!!!

So anyways, after a huge long wait of actually praying to the mail gods.. he finally arrived.

I held the Hoss within my hands… felt his weight… I got wet. Still in his cheap packaging of just a thick flimsy plastic bag and a cardboard label… talk about horrendously cheap packaging. But thankfully, no rank scents!!! The Hoss was scent free!

My mind was spinning. My pussy was trembling with anticipation and with fear.

The Hoss actually scared the living daylights out of me and he was left in my Toy Box… but rest assured… never forgotten about. He’d come out and rest on my coffee table his presence just overwhelming me. And seriously.

If my other toys could talk? They’d be going on about how freaking huge the Hoss is.

Days turned to weeks… and weeks turned to months.

It was about five months after I got him did I have enough courage to attempt to take him.

For three days, I refused to play. For three long days I didn’t let myself orgasm. For three long days I had such wonderful thoughts of hands, of fingers, of lips and mouths… of cocks being used upon my body. I spent so many of my waking hours attempting to focus on work, on what I was doing and keeping a waking echo of a thought on my clit and pussy; thinking of how hot I was. How wet. How good it would feel to slip my fingers under my knickers and slip them into my wetness. How amazing it would feel to curl my fingers coated in my juices deep within me. To feel my clit beneath my thumb as my pussy would start to tremble before spasming as I know it does as my orgasm begins to build from within me. To toy with my nipples and smash that temptation of letting them explore my body further… I so wanted too.

I desperately needed too find release.

Finally, I thought I might be ready.

It was a Saturday afternoon, the weather perfect.

I couldn’t take anymore waiting.

I knew I had to orgasm as many times as I could with so many various toys and my fingers. Toys of various sizes and shapes. Of different thicknesses and textures.

So I laid there on my couch with my toy box beside me, each of my toys that took batteries prepared just in case I felt that a new toy was needed. Various bottles of lube within arms reach in case I wanted something more liquidy or more thicker.

My nipples hard and erect. Painfully aching for a twist. Knowing that today I would finally get to explode!!! I felt my juices seep from within me trickling down my ass. I lay there practically naked, the cool winter air forcing my skin to tighten as the gooseflesh coated my body.

Lifting my leg up against the back of my chesterfield, I started small. I took a bullet vibe and dragged it around my nipples before sliding it over my clit.

Biting my lip, trying not to orgasm at the first hum of that tiny vibrator touching my overly sensitive clit. Rolling it over, letting it slide around my clit, slipping it along the lips of my pussy. My breath catching in my throat as my whimpers passed over my lips.

My mind racing, the urge to orgasm no longer a slow burn but more of a short fuse till I explode.

I switched the bullet vibe to the Anal Probe, slowly thrusting it in and out of my pussy before lubing it up and letting it slide into my ass. Grabbing the Lelo and letting it play over my clit as my fingers worked on my nipples.

Sitting up as I began to enjoy myself a little more, feeling the weighted nipple clamps swing and bounce with each thrust against my clit, my nipples being slowly stretching… I came.

Hard.

One of those orgasms that doesn’t take long to get too… the kinds that grows just below the surface… the really big kind.

For the next two hours or so I spent in various positions, in various rooms of my apartment using various toys and fingers cumming over and over again.

I had to stop after maybe the fourth orgasm, take a mini break and rehydrate.

Then I buckled down and got back to work.

Finally… I knew I was almost ready when the suction cuppie dildo (the one that became famous in Masturbation Blues take Three) slipped almost too easily deep into me.

Riding it in and out, pushing my hips down harder onto the suction cuppie dildo, taking it deeper. Really liking the tired muscles of my pussy make way for the pink toy… my fingers tapping my clit till I weakly came around it.

Gasping, my body crashing into the back of my chair, I reached over to my Toy Box. Grasping for The Hoss and dragging it towards me.

My body suddenly tightening with anticipation.

Reaching for the lube and covering his head. For that was what all the reviews said regarding The Hoss… lots and lots of lube. Of course me being the good toy addict I am… water based only on silicone!!! Watching the lube collect on the bottom of the toy and drop large cold droplets onto the blanket beneath me.

Biting my lip, my fingers reaching slipping between my slit. Pushing my labia apart, feeling my wet hot pussy radiate my inner heat. As the cool air kissed my flesh, shivers trembled from my head to my toes.

Positioning that ginormous monster dildo’s head at my entrance… for the first time the thought popped into my head… how the hell is that going to fit in there?

Then of course my rational (or would that be irrational side???) side pipped up… “well you know Woman… a baby fits through there… The Hoss is smaller than a baby”.

How stupid was I!!!!

I took the Hoss by the very long shaft, gripping it hard between my fingers. Pulling it towards me and pushing it in.

It didn’t even come close to entering me.

My lips wrapped around his big black head, both hands now on his shaft pulling him harder to me, needing to try to take him by pushing him in.

Grunting.

Forcing my legs further apart trying to open me up to take him.

Taking in a deep breath, both hands pulling him towards me in the hopes of taking even a little of him.

Suddenly, my mind went to places of incident reports, of hilarity doctor reports from the emergency room of hospitals of people getting things stuck up their poonanis or in their asses and not being able to remove them.

*really odd weird sound emanating from my neither region*

*really loud scream from my mouth*

*neighbours stopping their chattering*

White hot pokers of pain shot up and down through my body, my body spasming in pain.

I needed to see what had happened. I needed to see how much of him I took. I needed to see if I had hurt myself beyond repair!!!!

But I couldn’t move.

Each time I went to bend my head down to see the damage, bolts of pain shot through me once more. It didn’t help matters that my pussy was trying to return to it’s original shape and clamping harder than I ever though possible around this toy.

Taking a deep breath, one. Then two. Then three of them. On the fourth, my hands took hold of that damnable monster cock and pulled it. This time away from me.

*Woman screams again*

Tears rolling down my face, trying to keep from that sobbing laughter that seems to riddle me when I know I’ve gone a little too far and knew I should have stopped.

I’ve never learnt my lesson. Can you tell???

I tried to turn the beast.

I tried gently wiggles.

I tried everything I could think of to take him from me.

But nothing worked.

I knew trying to hobble to the shower would make me laugh/cry even more knowing how ridiculous I’d feel and look hobbling to the bathroom with this Hoss dangling between my thighs. And I knew it’s hurt twice as much if I let gravity work it’s magic.

Breathing.

Trying to relax.

It felt like hours that I sat there trying to rest my body.

Then I got the bright idea.

More lube.

I took my lube and squirted it around my pussy, around the toy and gently wiggled.

I tried to clench my muscles, working the lube up and down the toy already in me.

Taking another deep breath, my hands wrapped around the shaft once more, I pulled.

Hard.

*POP*

*Scream*

My pussy has never hurt so bad. And that is saying a lot as I’ve had surgery on my vagina!!!!

It felt like my pussy was on fire!!!!

It felt like I’d just been stretched from here to kingdom come. My fingers then gently played over my gaping pussy, trying to massage it back to it’s normal size.

Lots of times my eyes have been bigger than my stomach. But never before in my life had my eyes been bigger than my pussy.

OUCH!!!!

So let this be a warning to you all.

Know that bigger is not always better!!!

EdenFantasys does indeed have lots of toys, and even a diameter chart so you can pick and choose girth size. I’d strongly suggest not letting your eyes be bigger than your pussy when you go toy shopping. Know your limits and push them of course… but only a tiny bit at a time!!! Take your time. Read all the reviews. Look at peoples pictures of toys before you decide to buy something!!! Honest!!! Your pussy, your ass, your body will thank-you!!! Trust me on this one!!!

It took me about two days for the ache in my pussy to totally vanish. And even now, I cringe every time my eyes see The Hoss.

RIP The Hoss!!! You can live in the bottom of my Toy Box for the rest of your life.

I do have to question though, how in gods name can anyone take that thing in their tushie???

After my afternoon play time, I collected all my toys and tossed them in the sink. My pussy still painful. Turning on the hot water and just letting the hot water pour over my trying to relax my body from the whole day.

Trying to forget is more likely!!!!

Soap and water might have cleaned all the evidence away, two three days my body had returned to normal. But as I said… The Hoss is going to live for a very long time at the bottom of my Toy Box.

Live long… and masturbate for safety!!!!

w

Posts you might find interesting….

Masturbation Blues…I

Masturbation Blues… II

Before I forget… EdenFantasys has a huge Valentine’s Day sale on!!! Between now and February 14th, you can get various sales.. and for those of you who like erotica? You can get 15% off erotic fiction on February 4th!!! Don’t forget! If you go shopping at EF and you don’t already have one, feel free to use my affiliate code of SVN at check out for an additional 15% off!!!

~ by Woman on February 3, 2012.