Traditional Chinese Medicine and me…

Well.  Here I am. Laying here with my pants about my knees, my favourite red and white knickers with them, my shirt pulled up around my armpits, with a fly taking a rest on my lily white ass.  Playing tip toe in the tulips about the silver rods in my ass.

Yup. I am getting acupuncture again.  You might be asking, “Woman, what have you done to yourself this time?” and I would reply, “I am a klutz.” And that is putting it mildly.

Yesterday, I went for some dinner with some chums, and I literally laughed so hard I fell over.  Now, I know you are all wondering, what was so funny that would have made me fall off my chair, land hard on my ass, resulting in what I think is a pinched nerve resulting in me being hooked up to a friggen car battery? Well here is the joke; “A blind man wearing a red jacket was cycling down the road. He was just chugging along when suddenly he heard, “zhu zhu zhu!” and he raised one fist in the air replying, “ole ole ole”.  ”

Maybe I should mention that this was a Chinese joke, where “zhu” means go, or pot hole/hole in the road and sounds like the English word joe.  The man thought that it was some song to which the response to words that sound like joe is ole ole ole.

But I was not laughing at the joke or the play on words mind you.  What was funny you may ask? What made you fall over and hurt yourself yet again?

The fact that a blind man was wearing a red sweater. On a bicycle.

Seriously!!! How many blind men do you see on a bicycle?

Lol!! Fuck. I am in a world of hurt right now. They have just removed the juiced up needles (I was hoping to get a picture, but with where the needles were, they said not to move my arms, look down and I’ve attached some other acupuncture pictures) and have replaced them with baguan or flaming cups. Sounds worse than it is.  Remember when you were a kid? And you put your cup around your mouth and sucked? Making the cup stick on your chin? That is all they do. Only they swipe the inside of the glass bulb with a flame then press it to your skin forcing your skin to rise through suction.  I quite enjoy baguan, I get to have funny coloured markings that tell me how healthy I am. 

I do not know what they are going to do next to me.  And I won’t know if these yahoo’s are any good till I try to stand.  I was told it would just be acupuncture and a massage.  But they have tossed in bagua… Meh I like the colours.

There was this one time in Hubei, where my friend slipped and hurt his back and they hooked him up to a car battery.  Lordy he was black and blue.  But he had needles along both sides of his spine.  I just had them on the left side, my cheek and hip.

I have played stupid like I generally do when going to new places and meeting new doctors to see how good they are.  Strange I know.  But it works.

And now I am at home. I live on the sixth floor, in a building with no elevator.  Getting out of the taxi was one of the most painful things I’ve had to do in a very long time.  Then there was the stairs. Even when I bummed up my ankle, it didn’t take me that long to get up the stairs. It took just under forty minutes to get up six flights of stairs.

Now, some of you, might be wondering why I am telling you about my inability to lift my left leg, or stand proper, or even to sit. I am telling you all about it, so that way I can tell you all about some Traditional Chinese Medicine.  And pictures.  But those will be of various body parts, from various incidents.

So today, I did the acupuncture, flaming cups and a massage. I’ve messed up my back this bad only once before, the rest of the times I’ve hurt me back, has just been strained. This one, will take about four more days or so to go away.

Here are some pictures of various Traditional Chinese Medicine practices at work…

This here is gua sa; scrapping.  They take some oil and douse your back, then take a bone horn and scrape your skin.  It actually feels quite…. interesting.  I do not mind it on the fleshy parts of my body, but over bones, like my shoulder blades, caller bone… it is really painful.  It does indeed help with blood circulation to promote healing.

This second picture of my back with the fun circles on it, show a healthy body.  Both guasa and baguan leave marks.  In a healthy body, these marks are faint to very minor bruising which might last a day or two.  This is very normal.

When you get either of these; the scraping or the flaming cups, you should remain laying down for a few minutes to allow your body to relax.  But when you are ready to go, I always feel very relaxed and- you know that feeling you get after you have just closed your eyes sitting outside in the sun in the middle of summer that so very relaxed feelingÉ that is how I feel every time I get this.  Both of these help blood circulation.

The cups go on your body, and stay for anywhere from about five minutes to about twenty minutes depending on what you want to do.  The longer they stay on your body, the more colourful you will become.  Each body is different, and all of this is about how my body reacts.  Iève known some foreigners who even after a five minute baguan session, have black bruises and that is normal for her.  It takes time and a few sessions over a period of time to learn how your body reacts to it.  If you do go to a Chinese doctor and ask for these, talk about the colours you turn, how you feel and what are the possible ranges for normal for your body.

Sorry about the grainyness of this picture, but it was taken with my webcam.  You can see where I have had baguan done, and the hot spots on my back.  This was taken when I had a deep tissue infection on my wrist (Jorge for those of you that remember), and I was quite ill.

Here on the right, is my shoulder from where I wrote about Masturbation Blues the first time around.  I had acupuncture there, and you can sortof see where the needles had been put in, and the circular cup marks, as well as the guasa scrape marks.  No that is not a hicky, that is what guasa looks like on my neck.

If you are thinking about getting acupuncture there are some things you should look out for. Well, if you are thinking of getting any sort of Traditional Chinese Therapy, there are some things that you need to look out for; especially if you are in China, but these are generally good rules of thumb.

1) Make sure that the doctor you are seeing is a reputable doctor.  I will never go into a clinic without a friend recommending it.  If they are recommending it based on a friend, or a friend of a friend, I do not go.  They have to be a patient, or have had a family member be a patient at this clinic.

2) If you are in the West, demand new needles.  And make them open the needles up with you watching.  This is your body. And it is not generally the custom through out China to use new needles on a new patient.  A lot of times, the person you are seeing will just wipe the needle with iodine and just go from there.  If you are in the West, as I said, make sure they open the package of disposable needles infront of you.  When I am in Beijing, they laugh at me, as I ask to see the package and open it myself.  For those of you that are in China, and live like me in a smaller city, or even a town, you know what I am talking about here.  They would not totally grasp the concept of disposable needles.  Bring some 84 solution with you and a stainless steele pan.  Add some drinking water and a drop or two of 84.  This will clean them of anything, and then put them on a clean dish and toss them into the steraliser for one cycle.  Pass the needles over to the doctor and begin.  The one clinic I used to go to in Wuhan, the doctor actually started to clean his needles the same way I insisted they were cleaned.  And remember, just because in China, many people blindly trust the doctor, does not mean you have too.  If something happens to you here, you have to live with the consequences, not him .

3) If you are planning on getting baguan done on you, make sure they wipe the inside of the cups with a disinfectant or with a minor bleach solution.  It is possible to share the badstuff with other users, especially if you get acupuncture first, then place the cups over the puncture wound, the blood will be sucked out and pool within the cup.  It is playing on the safe side.  And if you live in China, you will get many looks of you are crazy, but remember.  We are eccentric, and allowed to be so. This one is not only for the cups, but also for the bone horn for guasa.

4) Make sure the doctor washes their hands, and wears gloves.

Just remember, these are all things that I do for me.  And I am no expert.  These are just my guidelines.

~ by Woman on September 27, 2010.

2 Responses to “Traditional Chinese Medicine and me…”

  1. Owch!!! I hope the pain leads to pleasure down the road.

    • Oh yes. Masturbation actually helped a great amount in healing my back. And it really and truly aids in helping women with chronic lower back pain. I should make bumper stickers, buttons and even t-shirts that say.. “Back pain? Masturbate for peace!”

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