Woman’s visits the OGBYN…

The other month I went to the hospital for my yearly womanly exam. They checked me from the inside not really paying attention to anything else. So yes, I got the pelvic exam and my vaginal health checked out but they don’t do anything else. So no breast exams or blood work or anything like that.

Shocking huh?

So anyways, the questions came to sex.

Doctor: Have you noticed any vaginal changes in the past year?

Me: I have noticed I’ve been a little bit drier than usual over the past six months or so, makes sex and masturbation a bit difficult but I find a squirt or two of lube works.

Doctor: You are married?

Me: No. Not married.

Doctor: But you are having sex.

Me: Unmarried people have sex too.

Doctor: (face looks like I just shocked her with earth shattering news) *insert funny noises and muttering of what sounded like immoral foreign devil but could have just been a tune to a song*

Me: (laying there half naked  in the stirrups) Would you be able to write on a peice of paper so I can show it to the chemist asking for glycerin and paraben free feminine lubricant? (funny part is, I know where to go to get some, and I have lots here at home, I was really just enjoying the doctors embarrassment)

Doctor: (red faced, looking back at my bald vagina) You know it is very unhealthy to remove your hair. (ignoring my question)

Me: (I’m snarky big time) Oh?

Doctor: Yes, your body was born to have hair in certain parts to remove the sweat from your skin to the ends of your body hair.

Me: So that is why you removed all your eyebrows because you wanted sweat in your eyes? (Ok granted, not the best thing to tell a doctor whose face is quite literally in your vagina poking you with her gloved fingers)

Doctor: (I don’t know how to type the sound, but it sounded like something tisking and I know I don’t tisk!)

Doctor: How often do you have sex?

Me: What kind of sex are you talking about?

Doctor: What do you mean?

Me: Well most of the men I’ve been with in the past year I hardly feel them at all. So I don’t really consider that to be sex just a man on top of me huffing and puffing while I sing songs in my head. So I use toys. The men looked and smelt clean as I made them shower before I allowed them in my bed. My toys I am very cautious about keeping them clean.

Doctor: What do you mean hardly feel them at all? What do you mean “toys”?

Me: Let me put it this way Doctor, they can poke my clit and that is about it. I’ve not orgasmed with a Chinese man in quite a number of  years and I think most of the Chinese men are selfish in bed. And if I want to orgasm? I have to masturbate to climax as to most Chinese men? Sex is for a man’s enjoyment not a womans.

Doctor: Women don’t need to orgasm and you have sex to have children that’s all.

Me: (jaw hanging open) I think I need a different doctor.

Needless to say, I wasn’t permitted another doctor so I had to put up with her judging my vagina for being bald, her commenting that the reason why my right inner labia is so big was because my vagina was not being used as it was meant to be. To which I of course replied, no, it is large because your Chinese doctors did something while I had surgery with them last year.

On my way out, she decided to tell me that if I kept going the way I was going, I’d die of sexually transmitted diseases or run the risk of catching AIDS. To which I of course laughed and giggled and told her she has a better chance of catching AIDS from her husband than I have from my choice of life style.

For did you know? AIDS is hugely on the rise in married women. And that is simply because these wives husbands go out and have sex with prostitutes, their lovers and their gay lovers then return home and have sex with their wives.

Oh she was not impressed.

Okydoky!!! I am going to head out to the store before it gets too hot to do anything. It is funny, all I smell is oranges right now and it is making me so very hungry!!!

Here’s hoping you enjoyed an insiders glimpse into the life of a foreigner.

I am trying to find a sex toy shop here in toy that will let me take some photos of the products so I can do a quick write up about the sex toy market in cities outside of the big international cities.

Now. Take care and I shall see you all later!!!

w

A post you might get a chuckle from… The Woman in the stirrups….

~ by Woman on July 8, 2012.

18 Responses to “Woman’s visits the OGBYN…”

  1. Way to go Woman, you tell ‘em… a one woamn Canadian revoloution!

    • Well, it gets my fun coloured knickers in a twist when all these people go on about how equal Chinese men and women are, but they are not equals at all. Nor is any other countries people and it bursts my bubble!!!!

  2. Wow, you are brave to deal with their medical system. So the surgery from last year is still okay?

    Take care ~

    • Oh yes! I just had a gland removed, but the procedure and what I went through was quite funny!!! The link is up there if you needed a chuckle!!!

      • I had read that. What I meant was that at the check up, no complications were found, everything is still okay? I’m assuming it was…otherwise, you’d say! But again, you are very brave.

        Hugs to you ~

        • You’re a sweetie!!! Yes, every woman who is sexually active should participate in a yearly physical inside and out. If you are not sexually active, once every three years. And if you are in a fluid-bonded relationship (marriage, long term relationship) every three years.

          All these are general guides mind you, this is only if you have had no odd pap tests.

          I’ve always called them “yearly physicals” or the “inside check up” simply because my family used to know a Doctor Pap and it got really weird to say I’m going for my pap and not think about the Doctor or vice versa!!!

          I just realised. I’m kind of weird.

          • My excuse is that it is nighttime where I am. I haven’t been clear *yet*.

            The surgery! No complications from the surgery last year! LOL!

            I had a surgery 1 year and 8 months ago and I had complications. A little one early on, and now another unexpected one. Sometimes it happens.

            Anyway, forgive my addled tongue? Hugs again ~
            :-)

            • Never a problem darling!!! I always say, better to ask then to hold it in!!!!

              And that goes for lots of things too!!!

  3. Is it related? When your vagina is open you can’t close your mouth?? LOL
    Very chucklesome and if that isn’t word it should be!!!

    FtF

    • Ohhh…. I shall keep my saucy comment to myself here bubba!!!

      Chucklesome is indeed an Oxford worthy word!!!!!

  4. Oh, Woman. You and your vagina have the most excellent adventures. lol

  5. Never a dull moment, right Woman?

  6. i bet she is looking forward to the follow-up visit ;-)

  7. OMG! And a woman doctor to boot! You should have squirted her right in the eye when she was between your legs! LOL.

    This post gives me an idea about the time I went to the OGBYN in Sardinia … oh shock! We are so pampered with respect in Canada, eh?

    • LOL!!! I laughed so hard at your comment my tea came out of my nose!!!!

      Imagine! The ability to squirt on command!!!!

      I do have to say it was odd walking past a giant wall picture of my vagina that was still there from last year. I should really have that mole looked at. I think it got bigger!

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