Zeus, please meet Woman’s vagina….

Once upon a time… In a land far from EdenLand land lived a Woman who sometimes-rarely, but for the purposes of this story lets say she leaked enough to worry about it for the future- when she sneezed or laughed she leaked.

But it was just a tiny leak.

She knew there were ways to strengthen her pelvic floor muscles to prevent this from happening at all.

She just knew it.

She had heard so many stories of various thingamabobs so decided to give some of them a go. She tried the Balls of Smart – but they turned out to be not so smart rather more bigger than what she was looking for. Then she tried some good ol’ fashioned Ben Wa balls and ended up ringing the gong at a temple instead- she has bad luck like that you know and she should really write that blog post one of these days too. And she even tried the progressive Ami’s that were more like barbells for her snatch- and about the same size too. She tried those kegel exercises where you concentrate so hard on trying to tighten, it sometimes looked like she was constipated.

She tried talking to her vagina too… can you imagine that conversation?

She had tried everything this Woman of The Middle Kingdom, but so far her quest to stop the random leakage was in vain. Most items were just to big for frequent wear, or too small. Those with pull cords hurt and chafed. Or to make the matter all the worse? She’d wear them, and hardly notice a difference at all.

Oh sure.

She barely noticed a difference while having sex, but little to no changes while she laughed those great deep belly and full bodied laughs. She didn’t even notice a difference when she sneezed a few times in a row. She knew she had to find something not too big and not too small so as she aged, she’d not be embarrassed by leaks. Or need to wear a diaper. 

She wanted something to make her vagina big and strong- erase that big please and thank-you and keep the strong only “her vagina strong” just doesn’t have the same ring to it- to make orgasms so much more powerful. To keep her snatch nice and limber.

It is like yoga for your innards.

I mean hey, if I can wear anti-wrinkle cream around my eyes an go for facials to improve my skin tone on my face, the least I can do is treat my nether bits to some attention too right?

It was then the big and beautiful Eden Fairy logo came to her in a dream and whispered to her of the new fandangled instrument, “Ze Intensity”… whoops. I mean, The Intensity available at EdenFantasys.

This fairy seemed to have a German accent.

The miraculous contraption that sent Zeus’ lightning bolts right into your poonani’s muscles, forcing them to contract over and over and over again, giving your vagina the most intense work out.

And as a result of this exercise, Woman had noticed that just after four days of using the Intensity, that a change was beginning to take place within her lady bits.

Read on gentle readers to continue the tale of how Woman slew the dragon! I mean choked the chicken! I mean discovered the wondrous benefits of ze Intensity!

Woman sat there in bewilderment staring at the Intensity in the dream.

And CUT!!! That’s a wrap till after lunch!

Looking at the Intensity my very first initial reaction(yes I know I repeated myself here) was quite seriously, “What the fudgescicles?” Because it’s shaped like a duck, it doesn’t quack like a duck nor does it waddle like a duck. So it really is not a duck. Just looks like one.

To look at this… instrument… as that is the only way to really wrap ones mind around this thing… its freaking huge. And when you get to really look at it and kind of know how it is to work… it is freaking scary.

Made by Jopen, the same company who created and manufactured my favourite luxury vibrator, The Jopen Vanity VR6.

And since buying the vr6, I have bought the vr9 (returned it because it was broken) and the vr2… but they hold not even a burnt out candle to the power levels of the vr6. So when I decided to get the Intensity, I kind of knew that the “vibrator” on the clitoral arm was going to be pathetic and whimpy. Because all the “smaller” ends of the Jopen Vanity line are whimpy.

And. I was not wrong. I kind of wish I was actually. 

For the purpose of this review, I turned on the clitoral arm to see if it would work. And guess what? It worked! But I do not use rabbits. And on this contraption, I do not see why anyone would use it.

But if you can… all the power to you!

Now, let me point out one simple thing here. And in writing what I want to say here, I think it will help a lot of people out.

This is not a “toy” for gratification. This is not a “toy” for orgasms. This is not a pretty toy. This is not a “toy” for masturbation.

At least in my opinion that is.

It is intimidating as all get out because of the size (total of twelve inches but only about five and three quarters actually go into you and to be honest? I only insert  usually about three to four inches but I’ll explain that a little more later). And those silver shock pads you see there? Yeah, right these on the shaft?

Those need contact in order to make them work.

So if you choose to masturbate with this guy, you are laying there thrusting and you pull too far out… it doesn’t work. Then you constantly worry about the electro-stim gel no long on the silver pads… and you loose the moment.

How I use the Intensity in step like form:

Pre-steps… Insert four AAA batteries into the bottom compartment. Using hot soapy water, with a cloth wipe down the toy. Do not immerse the Intensity as he is not waterproof. Rinse the shaft under running water, but be careful not to get the control section wet.

1) Wash your hands

2) Remove pants and knickers (feel free to leave your socks on if it is cold)

3) Lay down and get comfortable.

4) Apply the electrode gel to the silver plates making sure that they are nice and coated. If the gel is too thin you will not get as nice a contact and then not as good results as you might like. (Electrode gel: Reverse Osmosis water, Humectant polymers (acrylic acid/cellulose polymer), propyl paraben and methyl paraben in bacteriostatic concentration, FD&C Blue #2, and FD&C Yellow #5) I have noticed that if there is not enough electrode gel the intensity of the pulses are not as strong.

5) Lube the fucker up. I use Sliquid Oganics lube and basically just get the head covered. And because he is made from silicone, try to stick to water based lube.

6) Part your lips (now I feel like Moses saying, “Part the sea!” But you know, funny thought of it all is his rod or stick. Parting the sea. Hummm… strange. A penis like shaped toy parts your lips to bring pleasure. Strange imagery brought to this Woman via the Bible. Thank-you religions everywhere!) and gently insert the toy.

7) This is going to be the tricky part. First time users you are going to be scared out of your wits. But it is going to take a few turns to figure out how to make him work best.  I know some women who insert him as far as they can, and some where just the metal plates are in them. I seem to fall somewhere in the middle. But fiddle a little and learn what is best for you.

8) Turn on the Intensity.

9) Turn the electro’s up to Level II. Make sure everything is silent and focus on your snatch and your ass. If the machine is actually on, and you don’t feel anything this is ok. Turn it up to Level III. Most women don’t notice Level I or II so that is ok. When I first turned him on, I did not notice him in my vagina at all. I more noticed my bum was spasming. Which felt really weird.

10) If you can, bump it up to Level IV (or feel free to stay on III) and gently slide the toy out of you (but not all the way) and then deeper into you. See where you feel it the most, and what feels most comfortable. For me I found laying with my legs slightly elevated provided me with the best position for my vaginal exercises. Laying down with my knees up provided a different type of exercise, and with my legs straight was another. Try a few different positions and angles of your legs to see what works best for you. Some women I have spoken too, say that gently rolling onto their sides work, but for me laying down is the best.

11) Keep the Intensity in you for as long as you want. I try for at least thirty minutes to an hour twice a day. I watch a 45minute long TV program or read a book. Once work starts back up I will be aiming for about an hour three times a week.

Now… as you know here at The World According to Woman, we talk about pretty much anything from periods to the changes a woman’s body goes through along with all the hormones, to teaching, to sex, to masturbation, to sex toys, to the corrupt Chinese officials, to something funny I heard in the news, students, penis sizes, to trees and bridges.

Mmmm….. bridges.

Yes, I have a thing for bridges. Don’t know why? I just really like bridges and bears for some reason.

Anyways. FOCUS WOMAN!!!

I received the parcel with the Intensity in it about six days early. I was hoping to be finished the heavy portion of my period by the time it arrived so I could have one full cycle to see if there were any results.

But, it came early. So for four days I used the Intensity on Level III twice a day for an hour each time, and when my period came, I was actually quite impressed. I usually only have minor cramping that lasts for about an hour or so, heavy bleeding for two to three days, then really light bleeding for three to four days.

This time around, I had a minor cramp that lasted for a few minutes, heavy bleeding for about thirtyish hours, and then light bleeding for four days.

Now. As much as I would love to say it is a result of the Intensity, I do not think that it is the Intensity alone. I am on my “summer diet” which means since I can get fresh fruits and veggies, that is basically all I eat, rarely cooking anything and I walk everywhere.

The Intensity might play a factor, but I do not beleive it is the only factor. I will know more over the next few months and will comment more later once I feel more comfortable with the knowledge and personal experience.

But it does make some sense, this is used to exercise your muscles, which means more blood circulating, which means more oxygen to the region which could mean an easier period. But as I said, it might be wishful thinking.

The Boy was in town and I was able to have lots of great and mind blowing sex (keep an eye out for another “Masturbation Blues… the joint affair” coming to your inboxes soonerishy!) and after a few days of using it, he tisked at me for using sex toys (I tell you, I’ve almost had it with men and giving up on them completely) and I demanded some answers.

He claimed that he couldn’t recall how “tight” I was the last time we hoked up, so couldn’t answer if the Intensity was working. He left town again and returned the following weekend, and after many sessions with the Intensity, he did say he noticed I seemed to have been more able to hold the tightness of my vagina around his cock longer than before, and when I orgasmed, he felt my vagina spasm around him.

While masturbating, I have noticed that using my regular toys, that to insert them is much easier, but that when it comes time to stat thrusting with abandon that there is a little more resistance than there used to be.

I think it is an all a control factor to be honest.

I used to have to work my body a little bit before I was ready to insert toys or fingers. Of course I would lube them up, but even with lube it took a little push to get them in. After using the Intensity, I don’t know if it is part of what the Intensity is supposed to do or not, but I found that I am able to relax my pussy a little better for entry, but clamp down around a toy or a cock when thrusting.

If that makes sense that is.

As for those occasional leaks all women have from time to time, I’ve not noticed any since after the first week I’ve used it. So I can say with total honesty, that I have noticed a difference in the kegel exercises and the pelvic floor training in as little as three weeks. So if you are looking for something that has my seal of approval, this probably will work for your body if you are interested in developing your kegels and pelvic floor.

Some minor care instructions and points of information:

– The Intensity is not waterproof so never submerse it in water. Use a wash cloth with soap and hot water to wipe down, or a toy cleaner. Make sure to clean really well around the electrical stim panels as the silicone comes free. Which according to all the reviews I’ve read do not interfere with the effectiveness of the toy. He is a link magnet as he is made from silicone, so I would suggest wiping him down before use as well.

– Let air dry then put back into his box to store him or in a storage pouch. His box is flimsy cardboard with a foamy cut out where he rests. When you first open your Intensity, he would be securely wrapped up in plastic. He comes with an instruction manual.

– Keep out of direct sunlight

– Do not use if you are pregnant or have a pacemaker. Active cancer, any implanted metallic or electronic devices. A copper IUD, any sort of vaginal or yeast infection or even a urinary tract infection. Recent pelvic surgery… WOW! What a list!

– The batteries last for well over six hours (I never use the clitoral arm), but I would strongly suggest changing the batteries between four to seven hours depending on the quality of your batteries.

– BE CAREFUL the silicone on the base pulls away from the “holes” so things can get caught and tear the silicone or hide between the hard plastic of the handle and the silicone coating.

Things I would change:

1) Make it a standard width. I would suggest one and a half inches and another toy at one and three quarters rather than having him be inflatable with various widths between one and a half to two and a half inches. The thing I hate most is that you know if you put a pencil in condom them blow up the condom? That is basically how this toy works when you inflate the base to get your desired thickness. The shaft is easily moved and not sturdy.

Take a gander…

It makes the insertable part of the toy feel cheap and flimsy. And when you spend 250USD on this thing… well you are hoping for a toy that feels like it would last forever, not just for a couple months. But then again, when you have it pumped to the max? And you gently shake it it sounds like you know those paddle with an elastic tied to a ball? That is the sound it makes.

I think I know why they have made the insertable portion inflatable, so when your vagina clamps down around the shaft you can squeeze as hard as you want. The problem I have with that, is that once you have the shaft within you and you want to move the silver plates at all, you have to deflate it, remove it, apply more gel, then reinsert and hope to god you hit the right spot. If Jopen cannot make the shaft solid, I’d say what about having a thicker rod down the centre of the shaft rather than the small one they currently have.

2) Get rid of that clit arm. Please. Get rid of it. This in my opinion is not a masturbatory device. It is a tool to exercise with. And yes, the clit arm is really bendy and you can pull it out of the way, but oh look at that. I’ve a weird inprint on my mound and it hurts. Get rid of it. It really serves no purpose.

3/4) Glue. I mean you guys created the Vanity line!!! I may not be impressed by the motors of any other Jopen Vanity line other than the VR6, but lordy loo… they all feel like quality and the silicone feels like velvet over the hard plastic of the toy. They whole Vanity line feels divine!!! Then I get the Intensity where the silicone slips and slides all over the place… where the battery compartment is only accessible via a plastic cork screw plug, the deflating button is black… and the whole thing just looks clunky.

If you look up to where I talk about the inflatable portion? You can see what I mean of the silicone pulling away. And then there is the silver plating… the silicone seems to pull away the more you use it. On the back side of the Intensity the silicone has pulled all away from the plate. This makes cleaning up a little on the more complicated side.

5) Waterproof. Or at least make it like the older (white handle) Lelo products where they have a plug so you cannot submerse the toy into water, but you won’t kill it if water splashes on the handle.

6) The price. The idea of the toy is sound mixing medical technology with function. It really is. But, you have one of the most expensive toys on the market, it is very difficult for someone like me to get my hands on a replacement gel when I use all mine up. Then you have a toy that feels “cheap” and looks clunky and just cheap feeling. The silicone slides, and yes, the idea is worth it, but the actual Intensity, is not worth it in my opinion. And then there are “puckers” in the silicone and a very noticeable seam?

Things I like and would keep the same:

1) The control panel. I do have to say that for what the toy does, the control panel is pretty ingenious. Odd levels the light is steady. Even levels the light blinks. As you go up in levels the red light travels up the toy giving you an idea of which level you are on. There is an independent on off button which is different from the one touch control panel. I do really like this control panel.

2) I would keep ten levels of intensity on the Intensity, but I would suggest that the levels of intensity start at level three as level one. As I said way up there, that many women have found that they don’t really feel anything till about level three.

3) I know for me the length of the insertable portion is perfect!

So in conclusion…

Is it worth it?

I’ve been staring at this compute screen for about twenty minutes trying to think of an answer to this question. And that simply tells me that my answer will be a very grey answer.

It depends.

I have noticed that I have not had any little “leaks” that I have had a time or two when I sneeze or cough like the dickens or laugh so hard I stop breathing. I have noticed that since I have started to use this, masturbation is more enjoyable.

But does it actually make orgasms more intense? I don’t know. For me it is pretty hard to orgasm from penetration alone, I need rougher sex to orgasm with a partner and when I masturbate, I usually have a toy or my fingers on my clit and have a clitoral orgasm.

I am kind of into clitoral orgasms at the moment.

When using something to stimulate my g-spot and have a g-spot orgasm combined, I don’t really “feel” my orgasm is more intense than it was before.

During sex and through masturbation, I have been told and have noticed that I seem to have more control over my vagina than before. I can squeeze his cock longer with less effort.

But I really haven’t noticed a difference in my orgasms.

And, this is not a toy that in my opinion should be used as a masturbatory toy.

So is it worth it?

If you want it to improve your orgasm, right now I am going to have to say no. It is not worth it. If you want it to get off with, it is not worth it.

But, if you want it to help learn some control over your muscles, tone up your muscles, and prevent problems later on in life? I am going to say yes, this is something that would be worth it.

If you are like me and have tried quite a number of other vaginal exercisers with no success… this is something that you might want to consider. Considering I have spent well over 150USD on vaginal exercisers over the years with no real success.

Now, before I sign off and forget… PLEASE do not dismiss the Intensity if you do not “feel” anything. That is probably because it is in too far. As I have mentioned before in this post, you have to fiddle a little bit to figure out what works best for you. Some need it lower in their vaginas, and some will need it further back. Play around to discover what works best for you.

Jopen’s Intensity can be bought at EdenFantasys and it is quite a bit on the pricey side. All I have to say is thank goodness that they have the point system so after some time you can get it for free!!! And if you are looking at ordering the Intensity from EF feel free to use my discount code of SVN for 15% off regular priced items.

Hopefully I have answered any and all questions you might have on the Intensity. If I have not covered a question you have, please feel free to email me or leave a comment here. All comments must be approved by me before they are made public.

~ by Woman on August 14, 2012.

6 Responses to “Zeus, please meet Woman’s vagina….”

  1. throughly written and informative, useful information and description of purpose – thank you

  2. Touches on all the points that I would question with a new toy. I love your writing style, informative with out being dry. (We all know dry isn’t any fun!) I look forward to reading more of your reviews in the future. Keep playing!
    XOXO – The Kinkeh One

  3. Always interesting stuff from you! Have you tried Vagina Callisthenics?

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